This week was a very busy one. Work was busy and then add to that a few evening activities and it just makes it seem like life just flies by! I have started helping at church on Tuesday nights . . . it just kicked off last week but I am very excited to be serving in the church again. I have been sending out cards for birthdays and anniversaries for our church goers on behalf of our church since December last year but I still wanted to do more. I absolutely love my Church and Church Family and have missed being more active in some of these things.
Homecoming was this week so we attended the football game Friday – Wade keeps stats on the sidelines, too, so is always there and I sometimes tag along. We don’t have kids in sports anymore and he just can’t give up being an active participant in some fashion!
I walked 3 times (which is my current goal) and will make plans to go 4 times this week, and that started last night. I am seeing results all over my body even though it doesn’t seem like I should. I am down around 18 pounds but pants feel a little more loose, rings fit better, and other things are very noticeable in just these past 3 weeks of working to “Lose Lacy” again. I am happy but also disappointed in myself for stopping my journey. But, like I mentioned last week, grace for myself and grace for the day, right?
Franklin came home for a quick visit yesterday. He had made a haircut appointment . . . I know he could get his ears lowered in Cheyenne but I like to think he gets it cut here as an excuse to come home and see his momma. Maybe. Anyway, he was talking about a lot yesterday. His job, his girlfriend, the church they are going to, the future. All great conversations and throughout the conversation I was taken aback by how grown up this “kid” is. I know, I know. He is going to be 21 soon but he is figuring out life and adulting and making big decisions and I am so happy for him. He is excited for his future and all the possibilities we talked about yesterday. There are a few things in my life that have made my heart smile more than anything. The day both my boys decided to give their lives to Jesus is at the top of that list. What is THIS life if I don’t have my children with me for eternity? And the next is watching them, as adults, employ the principles and guidance they have learned through us, through church, and through the “village” of great people who surrounded them and cheered for them through their youth! Needless to say, conversations with my now grown and responsible children are the bees knees. Those who know, KNOW.
After that conversation, though, as happy as I was to have listened to Tank, I started thinking about MY future. I wondered when the last time I was as excited for MY future as HE was about his. Now, please don’t get me wrong. I am an optimist. To a fault. I see the good and positive things in every situation – even when I should be seeing the negative. It’s been a learning curve for me because you can’t fix what you won’t acknowledge and I would rather not acknowledge the “bad” or negative things. I am hopeful for the future and always have been. But I think the past couple years I have been stuck in this “not happy with my current state so nothing looks great” kind of rut. I don’t like that. There is so much to be hopeful for and excited about. I am a saved sinner, a child of God, a joint heir with Jesus. That fact always puts a smile on my face. But the reality of the here and now is still that ever-present nagging that if I don’t change my lifestyle and make a bigger push than ever to get healthy while I still can, I will likely be meeting Jesus earlier than I would expect. My “people” (family) live long. Numerous aunts, uncles, grandparents, and the like have lived well into their 90’s and beyond. I joke with my mom all the time that at 85 she could be around for another 20 years and I am only half kidding. However, I have let all sorts of things get in the way of my journey and the future I know I can have and the biggest thing that is in the way – physically and mentally – is me.
In the past few years, I have allowed excuses to overcome my discipline. Last week I mentioned the difference between motivation and discipline. Excuses can kill the best dreams. We have all seen it. On one of my walks 2 weeks ago – it was my first solo of the new journey – I went through many of them and was disgusted that I let them rule the day for far too long. I was having this back and forth in my mind . . .
My first excuse: “Oh, it hurts to push myself walking and I don’t want to have that pain (my feet, knees, muscles, shin splints) because I can prevent it by not waking.”
The truth answered: “Oh, really? Look, just BEING fat hurts – my knees, back, hips, all hurt from time to time not to mention my feet in addition to that even when you aren’t moving (and even more so really). Shut up. Next?”
My next excuse: “Oh, you know, because I weigh too much I get tired when I go for walks or workout in any form and usually can’t walk as far as I would like or do as many reps of an exercise as I would like.”
The truth answered: “Oh, really? You get tired just existing and trying to make it through a day because you are big and you aren’t doing anything useful to help you get into better shape to stop the cycle. Shut up. Next?”
My next excuse: “Oh, eating healthy costs too much.”
The truth answered: “You go and get your nails done and you have recently discovered a love of pedicures and that costs money and those things are completely optional. Shut up. Next?”
My next excuse: “Well, I just don’t have the will power and drive to get out and walk and do what it takes to get healthy.”
The truth answered: “Well, first, laziness is unGodly. Sinful, even, according to the Bible. Your lack of action today will put you in an early grave and deprive your precious family as much time as you can give them this side of Heaven. Shut up. Next? . . . What’s that? No more excuses? . . . Yeah, that’s what I thought. Now get moving.”
In that whole internal dialogue I realized that anytime I have used excuses for anything in my life it really meant that I just didn’t want it enough. If you want something enough, nothing, not even excuses you come up with, will stop you from doing all you can to achieve your goal. I also think that at the end of the excuses is where the real work can begin. I can take on the challenge this is. And believe me, it’s a big one. Daunting, even. But I am here for it.
I believe I am on this earth for a reason. God placed me in this time, in this town, in this family for a purpose. I read once that the two most important days of your life are when you are born and when you figure out the reason, your purpose. I was made for more. We were all made for more. One of my favorite songs right now is a Christian song with this theme. I know I can’t fulfill my callings in life that have been appointed by God Himself unless I get to the best physical and spiritual state of wellness I can. I am a work in progress in every way but I fully believe that is half the battle. I don’t ever need to be perfect. That isn’t a requirement. The requirement is that I don’t give up. I never stop striving to be the best I can be in all areas of my life. Honestly, doing what I need to do physically does actually serve to draw me closer to God. And also to my family, friends, and future. My future could be scary and very difficult if the changes I am working for aren’t accomplished. I am likely looking at some very preventable diseases being a part of my life if things continue as they are. But my family is worth more to me than to let things like THAT future happen. They deserve the best version of me. Shoot, I deserve the best version of me. I am determined to make this journey successful. I can’t fail as long as I don’t quit on myself. So, I will remember why, what, and who I am doing this for and continue marching forward. I am moving. One small step and one lost pound at a time, I am moving into the fullest and brightest future I can imagine. Join me, won’t ya?
Losing Lacy 