Is it me or do the days and weeks move faster and faster? We have all heard that it does seem to accelerate as we get older but it just flies right on by these days. This week was a good one. I was a little discouraged after this last week when I saw very, very little movement on the scale. I know, I know. The scale won’t move nearly as fast on the way down as it did on the way up! And there will be some weeks where maintenance is as good as it is going to get. I remember those moments from the first time I did this. But I am not going to lie . . . it is frustrating when you are doing all the right things and don’t get the payoff in the end. But this is where that discipline word we talked about a few weeks ago comes in. Discipline in this journey is doing all the right things for all the right reasons and trusting the process enough to know that the results will follow. Even when it isn’t obvious from week to week. All that to say I am down 23 pounds 5 weeks in. I saw it move a few more pounds this week and was really happy to see it. Now, to deal with the digestive deadlock going on right now. I know that because I am eating higher fiber and more protein things can cause a little traffic jam. I have some great suggestions from my sister and will add them to what I am doing to make sure I can get ahead of the “poo procrastination” if you will.
This week, I achieved my current goal of walking 4 days total. I walked 3 days in a row and am planning on walking tonight which will make it 4 days in a row and that will be a new “record” for me this time around. Eventually, I will build up to walking at least 6 times. But for now, my body, which is still very large, isn’t going to be able to do it. I thought this week that I am about 40 pounds from where I was when I walked the Brush Rush in 2019. I said then that not many folks over 300 pounds could do that and I am still saying that today. Not many folks my size are out there walking 1.5 to 2 miles at a time. I am happy with the progress I have made thus far.
I was driving to the post office this week and saw a large man walking. His body was about my size, maybe a touch larger. I saw he had a water bottle and was wearing headphones. The walk was an intentional one. I thought briefly about just pulling up beside this person I had never seen before and saying that I see him out there working and that I share his struggle and to keep going. But I thought that may be intrusive so I didn’t stop. Instead, I prayed for his journey and kept driving. I have been following a couple of people on social media who started out well over the 600 pound mark and have lost over 200 pounds each. I also follow a man who goes by the name Joey Swoll who calls out really bad and hateful gym behavior. From people filming others without consent to make fun of, to others who fly off the handle when someone in the public space of the gym walks in front of their phone while they are filming. Some of these people are just horrible humans. My heart especially hurts for those who are big like me who are filmed and made to be the punchline of the filmer’s joke. I was in a gym where someone snickered and made some pretty hurtful comments to someone else while my husband (who they didn’t know was with me) was standing right there. My mind went to these things when I came across that man walking and really I just hope people can see him . . . and ME . . . out there pounding the pavement and just say, “Man, I see you! Way to go! I am proud of you and praying you forward on your journey!”
But I do wonder, and have expressed this before, how people view us, larger bodied, fat/obese individuals. I know when I see someone who is larger, like me, I think about how well I can relate. I can relate to the physical limitations and even pain they deal with. I can relate to the shame they feel every time they eat a half a bag of chips in one sitting. I can relate to the disgust they feel when they think about eating something totally sugary and unhealthy but want to eat it anyway. I can relate to them eating in a restaurant and wondering how many people think they should be eating a salad instead of whatever they ordered. I can relate to the invasive thoughts of wondering how many people are silently judging them for being fat. I wrote in one blog that one of the things that has bothered me most is when people tie my IQ to my large body. Or tie my talents and skills to my large body. Or tie my work ethic to my large body. I can say with confidence that I am a fairly intelligent, artistic individual who works 50-55 hours a week for my employer. None of those things that people have judged me on based on the number I ring in on the scale are true assessments of WHO I am. And it is hurtful to not be truly SEEN and understood. We are humans just in a body that isn’t in the condition God intended.
I have learned so much both before and during my weight loss previously that have made me think differently about people who are in my shoes. They have helped shape my responses to people who have lost weight or want to lose weight and even those who have no desire to lose anything and are just in their larger body and are fine with being there. One thing I definitely won’t ever say is, “Oh, you will be so pretty (or handsome) when your body matches your face.” (I actually heard that one from someone. It hurt a LOT.) Here are some things I will say and encourage you to say to people who are on their own personal journey to conquer their weight:
“You look so healthy!”
“You look so happy!”
“I’d love to know what you are doing to change your habits and get healthier!”
“I am proud of you for stepping out and doing this for yourself and your future!”
“I’m praying for you!”
What I don’t mind hearing is, “You have a beautiful face.” It doesn’t exactly cut because I get it. I tend to think my face isn’t a bad feature. I like my eyes and my smile. And I know my body is not attractive in its current form. I am doing all I can to change that body and, subsequently, my future. I have a life and it is worth the livin’ . . . to the fullest allowed by law.
I think that one of my most fatal flaws is thinking that all humans are as kind and compassionate as I am . . . that everyone desires to bless and help others as much as I do. I know there are those who would judge people harshly by the size of their body and the number on the scale. I am not here to change their minds. I am here to say that I am not in this fight to look good in a black dress. I am not in it for any other reason than to get healthy and lower my heart rate, risk for heart disease, heart attack, stroke and diabetes, and to extend the life that God has given me so I can share Jesus with as many people as possible. I just want to be a blessing. That is all.
Seeing the man on the street this week reminded me that I am not the only person struggling to get healthy. Like I said last week this is a journey I have to take alone but I know I am not alone through it. I have people all around me supporting and encouraging and I want to do the same with anyone who wishes to share. I will pray for, encourage, and advise anyone as best I can. Remember, I have done this before and also helped others do it right along with me. Don’t judge my knowledge of WHAT to do to lose weight by the size of my body . . . because knowing what to do and actually doing it are two different things. I am DOING. Not trying, mind you. Just doing. I love the encouragement from folks who drive by and give a huge thumbs up out their window, or those who purposely turn onto the street I am on to roll the window down to say a few nice words, or a stranger who just nods silently, knowingly, as you pass by them walking on the street as if to say, “Go girl. I see you and am cheering you on.”
If you are a larger-bodied individual this week I am telling you that you can do this. If I can, believe me, you can, too. If you are someone who isn’t a larger-bodied individual this week, I am urging you to run everything you say through the brain to mouth filter we all have. Take a beat before commenting on someone’s appearance – good or bad. Even the most well-meant words can cut deeply if they seem backhanded or unthoughtful. Just be kind. I truly believe it takes less effort to be kind than not. It really is as simple as the “Golden Rule” in Matthew chapter 7 says it is. And we really need more of that energy in our world today.
Losing Lacy 