This week was one of the busiest, wonkiest weeks I have had in a while. I knew going into it that there was a chance I wouldn’t get much walking in but I had no idea that things would unfold like they did. Our church holds Revival Meetings the first week of November from Sunday through Wednesday of that week. I love them so much. I knew I would be attending each night but didn’t really factor in other stresses and busy-ness. I had a huge project at work that has been in the works for about 7 months. My part in it really started in August but has been getting busier and busier for me culminating in this week. It was finally at a place where I could train the Sales Team and Sales Operations Department on this new platform we will be using for our Customer Relationship Management. What that meant for me was that everything was finally set as far as our workflows so that I could get the training put together and create my slide deck to help guide the teams as they began using the platform. I worked 12 hours on Monday and Tuesday in addition to the meetings at church. I worked 10 hours on Wednesday, in addition to church time. And Thursday and Friday looked much like Wednesday did without the church meetings. Not complaining but just setting the stage for what culminated in an Emergency Room visit for me.
Here are the current realities of life right now: My dad has had issues with both upper and lower GI bleeding in the past year. He has been hospitalized twice this year. He had a small episode on Tuesday that was resolved quickly and on its own. But that was a touch stressful. We have a 22 x 20 foot pad of concrete being poured but had some issues with the initial contractor who has done a lot of concrete for us (he was injured after he took our job on) so we had to pivot to another contractor. That isn’t so stressful but given the fact that the custom 12 x 18 foot shed that we had ordered is scheduled to be set on the 18th of this month makes it stressful. Work is always busy. I put in 50+ hours a week. I do love what I do and who I get to do it with but it is also a high-stress environment at times, especially weeks like this last one where I put in 60 hours getting this project and training wrapped. Ben is sick this week. I am home from church today not feeling good either. Combine that with the normal everyday duties and pressures and it adds up quickly. This sounds like whining and I don’t want that. Please know that. Just stating facts and laying out what is going on. There are other things in addition to these but won’t go into them because this is supposed to be a pretty short blog. Hahahahaaaaa!
This perimenopause/menopause phase of life I am in has gifted me with Restless Leg Syndrome. I have read a lot and adjusted supplements and while they are helping, we are still having to completely replace our bedsheets because I am wearing holes in them. Yeah, I know. Stupid. Anyway, I tried a new homeopathic supplement on Wednesday night before bed to see if it could help. What ensued, according to the ER Doctor on duty, was a perfect storm of stress and the supplement. I was working until close to midnight to continue getting caught up at work. I took my laptop to bed with me. I shut the laptop and decided I should use the little girls room one more time before closing my eyes because another gift of the perimenopause/menopause phase is not being able to make it through the night without having to use the restroom. Fun times. So I got up and went. As I was coming back to bed I felt my heart start racing. Now, I have had fluttering for the last couple years, another gift, I am told by docs, but nothing like this. The “normal” fluttering is about 5-10 seconds long, enough to make me catch my breath, but not painful, and doesn’t happen often . . . once every few months maybe.
This was different. COMPLETELY different. Scary different. I reached up to feel my neck and felt a very erratic, FAST heart rate. I went back to the bedroom and put my Apple watch back on to see what my heart rate was. The rate was jumping from 66 to 128 to 90 to 117 to 147 to 90 to 134 beats per minute (BPM). It was wild. It lasted for a little more than 20 minutes. About minute 7 or so of the episode not letting up and actually getting worse I woke Wade up and said, “Hey Babe, I think I should go to the ER. I might die.” (Because I’m sarcastically dramatic when I’m stressed) I told him if I was gonna have a heart attack I hear that’s the place to be. Fun fact . . . when you tell the front desk at the ER that you have a very quick heart rate and that your chest is painful and tight, they skip all the other doors, chairs, and check-ins, and lead you straight to a room fairly quickly. They hooked me up and did an EKG even though my heart rate was already much slower. They monitored me for about 2 hours and just sitting in the hospital bed being monitored my heart rate was still erratic, jumping anywhere between 70 – 90 BPM. And I wasn’t moving. They ruled out heart attack (YAY) and said while I appear to have a slight abnormality in the heart rhythm it isn’t a “bad” abnormal. Just a little thing that is out of the ordinary. The only thing they couldn’t rule out was the supplement. Needless to say that was the first and last time using it and I will stick to my upped dosages of Magnesium and Iron.
The whole time I was sitting in that hospital bed in the ER I kept thinking that this is exactly why I am taking big measures to change my physical body and gain better health. I don’t want to let “fat” kill me. I want to live as long a life as God will allow! I told Wade as much when we examined the situational irony of my predicament while we were patiently waiting for good results in the ER. The doc got a good chuckle when I shared that with him. He just said, “Keep on keepin’ on . . . just buy new sheets every few months. You’re doing great!” I rebutted in my head that “great” remains to be seen. But I am not doing too shabby right now. There are so many unknowns in this life. Actually, there is no such thing as a guarantee in anything, ever. I can do all the right things and still end with a result that is less than desired. I am fully aware that the years spent in the physical state I have been in has likely already shortened my life span. I am now tasked with knowing better, doing better. And making that change stick . . . for good.
I am sharing this because I want to make sure you know that a set of circumstances that could derail you will not defeat you – unless you LET it. Setbacks happen but so does strength. And in tough times we, as humans, have a crazy tendency to fight through it; to pick ourselves up and dust off our rear ends, and then start again. Looking back, I now know that what happened wasn’t life threatening. But let me tell you, in that moment, that was less obvious than I would like to admit. And I found myself bargaining and it sounded something like this: “Okay, Lord, if this is it, then I am okay with that. But I would really love to be here a bit longer to get healthier, to share You more, to love on my kids longer and get to lay eyes on grandchildren someday.” But it also gave me a glimpse into what life really could have looked like without a different decision being made to change my lifestyle and gain good health. I have shared this before. On paper I am healthy. All my numbers are good. The only thing that isn’t is my weight. But I am also smart enough to know that it isn’t going to stay that way forever. And I wanted to get ahead of those things so that I never had to hear from a doctor that I needed to lose weight or die. I can testify that this week scared me straight even though it turned out to be nothing. I don’t ever want to feel that way again even though I do realize that I can’t control everything. But the things I can control, I should. And I am.
I am down two pounds despite this week being rather awful. My dad is good. Mom is, too. Concrete is being poured Monday. Our shed will be delivered a week from Tuesday. Work will slow down and the anxiety pains in my chest will disappear when that slow down happens. Stress kills. I need a vacation. Those are the relevant facts about my week. Life knocked me around a little. It reminded me that progress isn’t always pretty, and health isn’t always linear. But it also reminded me that I’m stronger than I think. I was derailed but not defeated, slowed but not stopped, ruffled but rising, challenged but not conquered. This journey isn’t about perfection. It’s about persistence. One week, one walk, one better choice at a time. I may have lost my rhythm, but I didn’t lose my resolve. It reminded me that I can reflect on this past week and approach the next with the same outlook as I have applied in my weight loss journey and most of my life . . . equal measures of grit and grace.
Losing Lacy 