This week we had a conversation in our house that left me laughing at our oldest son, Benjamin, and his witty response to a serious topic. We were discussing his eventual escape to adulthood as he will soon be leaving for college . . . 35 days from now. I have been lovingly reminding him *wink wink* to do the Master Promissory Note counseling for the loan he has received to attend Hastings College this fall. I’m still not sure he has it done, but that’s another blog topic all in itself. Haha! Anyway, Wade asked him if he had done it. He offered that he hadn’t yet completed it. Mom, again, lovingy reminded him that they won’t release any of those funds to the college for his use if he doesn’t get it done. He said, “I have like 40-something days to get it done.” Wade said, “Actually, you only have 39. I know because I am counting them down every night as I cry because you are leaving.” Ben replied, “I’d be crying if I were losing me, too.” While that is really pretty humurous, I thought about it that night while getting ready for bed. He really isn’t cocky or conceited. Not really. He will act like it just to be funny or sarcastic. Probably something he gets from his father. Seriously, though, he knows his worth and he knows what he means to us because it’s something we tell both our boys. ALL. THE. TIME. But when I really started thinking about our exchange, I came to one solid conclusion. I don’t know if we REALLY know how much WE mean to the people in our lives.
We talk about it all the time . . . making sure you are telling the people in your life that you love them when you are parting because you never know if you’ll see them again. I have always supposed that it was going to be because something might happen to THEM and I wouldn’t have that chance. But then again, I am a bit of a “worrier” although I am better now than I have been in the past. This was definitely a new way of thinking about it for me. I have never thought about what those last words would mean to someone if I were the one who THEY never saw again. I am not saying that we should have an inflated sense of ourselves. Not at all. I thought about a few key areas that I really want to continue to work on and work even harder. But it made me want to try even harder . . . in many areas of my life. My loved ones deserve it.
My physical health is worth all that it takes to be at optimal levels. As I’ve mentioned in a few recent blogs already, I haven’t been dropping a lot of weight really quickly lately. Part of the reason for that is that I am also gaining muscle working out and walking. But another, probably larger, reason is that I have grown satisfied with the new body I am in right now. I’ve lost a significant amount of weight yet at the same time have a long way to go. It is going to take a certain level of dissatisfaction with MYSELF to spur me to action in pushing harder toward my goal. My health has to be a higher priority for me than what it is right now. And it’s already pretty high. But, admittedly, I haven’t been as focused as I need to be and this is one thing that will get me back and at the ready. It all goes back to what I wrote about in one of the earliest blogs. Our worth. We are worth something. We are worth whatever it takes to take care of ourselves. My health HAS to be a priority. My loved ones deserve it.
My mental/emotional self is worth developing and means something to others around me. I want to grow ME. I want to continue to grow and become a better person. I am reading a variety of books and studies right now. I am an information junkie. I love learning and if I could afford to do so I would be taking as many courses of study as I possibly could to broaden my mind and my way of thinking. I don’t care about leaving a legacy. Not MY legacy anyway. In the end, I want my family and friends to know a few things are true about me and be able to say I tried my darndest to live it. One is that I love Jesus. Another is that I try to always do what is right and good. Not necessarily what is easy, but right and good. And also that I try to teach my kids to do what is right and good. Not easy, but right and good. I am FAR from perfect. Thank God! That would be too much pressure to try and maintain. But I am a saved and forgiven sinner and I try my best to think through the “what would Jesus do?” adage when dealing with situations and making decisions. And I usually find it pretty easy to just ask Him about it. I need to be a better person always. My loved ones deserve it.
Another area that I really want to be better is my spiritual life. Since leaving my job in May to work and grow my home-based business I have had an easier time MAKING time to read and study my Bible and pray. It’s still something that requires the discipline to do but it is a little easier. Time freedom is incredible. I know that this ties directly into the other two areas I’ve mentioned. I want to pray more, and read more, and get closer to Him every single day. It’s not always easy, but He has to be a priority in my life. The first priority. Above my family. Above my friends. Above my church family. Above my business. Above all things. ALL. My heart doesn’t always put Him first. And that isn’t taking care of my spirit like I should. I don’t have a religion. I have a relationship. And relationships require fostering to grow. There is a song that Lynda Randle sings called “One Day.” I love what this song says. The first verse and chorus say, “Some days drag. Some days fly. Some days I think of the day I’ll die. Some days fill me and some days drain. And one day Jesus will call my name. One day Jesus will call my name. As the days go by, I hope I don’t stay the same. I wanna get so close to Him that it’s no big change, on that day that Jesus calls my name.” I am a better person when I have bathed my day in prayer and in the Word before I ever set foot into it. I want to be a better person. My loved ones deserve it.
Regardless of what we think about ourselves, I KNOW there are people in our lives who would be completely devastated if we were not here any longer. Just as we would be without them. I’d like to think there are a handful of people who would miss me and who I am to them. I think back on a conversation I had with my mom recently. I picked her up and took her to Sterling to run a few errands. Now, my mom CAN drive. But I have the time and freedom in such a new way right now that I CAN take her. She mentioned as we were coming back into town that she loved the time we were able to spend with each other right now. I know she loves me being able to do things for her and with her. It’s one of the reasons I made the decision to leave my job. And likewise, her love for me inspires me and pushes me to be the best version of ME I can. Now, I am not the quickest on the uptake so forgive me for saying something that you all probably know but I am coming to figure out . . . slowly. It isn’t about what I DO for my family and friends every day. It IS about what I AM to them every day. My kids won’t care that the laundry was or wasn’t done or that there were dishes in the sink or not or if I made sure they looked presentable when they left the house. What they will remember is WHO I was. Not what I did. It’s about the love and humanity I can pass along to them that they will remember long after the memory of me changing the sheets on their beds and tirelessly scrubbing their sports uniforms fades away. We owe it to them to be the best US physically, emotionally/mentally, and spiritually. Our loved ones deserve it. And even more than that; we deserve it.
#loveyourjourney #youreworthit #bettermewithNewYouCBD #Endo30 #itsuptoyou
Losing Lacy 