Walk On, Baby, Walk On . . .

This last week has been a rollercoaster of emotions for our family. My oldest, Ben, graduated from High School on Sunday. This pandemic changed our plans and it wasn’t quite the same traditional ceremony we had all wanted and hoped for. But it was special. Beautiful, even. We had a drive-in style graduation and parade through town. It was highly emotional seeing everyone out on their front lawns and sidewalks waving and cheering these kids. As we were waving at everyone waving at us, I started thinking about the beginning. The beginning of Ben. I reminisced about him rolling around on the floor and then crawling and then walking and then running and sprinting and . . . And it hit me. It doesn’t matter what stage we are in, our lives are spent just waiting for “the walk” to happen. 

When our “babies” are actual babies, we coax them, bribe them, and eventually convince them to trust themselves enough to take their first step. It is a scary, big thing for them. For us, too! I remember when Ben took his first step. He was 10 months old. He let loose this nervous giggle when he did it then grew unsteady and sat down right away. He looked disappointed but fully determined as he sat there. It’s a look I have come to know and love from him. He got right back up and took not one, not two, but a bunch of steps. Literally, just took off. And there has been no stopping him since. I remember thinking then about him eventually walking to school. And before we knew it, we were ready for preschool. We walked the block and a half to the Primary School here in our little town. I walked him through the gates and waited for him to willingly let go of my hand to walk up to his teacher, the other kids and playground equipment. He didn’t hesitate. As he walked away, I told him to have fun and not to worry . . . that I would be back when his day was done. He turned to me and said, “Okay. I’ll wait for you to come walk me back home, mommy.” I stood outside the fence of the playground as his teacher rounded them up and I watched him walk into the classroom. Out of my sight and into his own new, exciting little world of color, crayons and creativity. Oh, and snacks! Don’t forget about the snacks. 

Through the years, one thing always happened. He started each new adventure by walking over the threshold separating one space from another. He walked with nervous excitement into each new classroom and each new circumstance of the unknown; sometimes with us and sometimes without. We have had the great honor and privilege to be front and center for all those “walks” he has taken in his life. There was the walk into each of the school buildings at the start of each new year when I would drop him off and head to work. In middle school, I would always look out my window back toward the school and watch until he slipped out of view after walking through the open door. I watched him grow and mature and be “big enough” to walk into different doctor and dentist appointments by himself. And then I watched him take the field and walk into the batter’s box, or walk back to the huddle; or walk to the starting blocks on the track, or into the middle of the wrestling ring. And I knew it was all leading up to one ultimate walk . . . Graduation. 

Although he didn’t get to “walk” at his graduation, the thought remains. We are constantly walking. We may be walking to something; we may be walking away from something. Sometimes it’s a bit of both. But, we are always walking. I have heard it said that life is nothing more than a series of rooms. We spend our lives surrounded by any given set of four walls. It’s who we are with and what we are doing that defines our walk from room to room. The picture in my mind of walking into one room from another is that we can’t be fully in both places at the same time. With life, we step out of one thing and into something else. For me, at the moment, it’s my job. My career. I am leaving a job of 12 years to work a business I’ve had for a year and a half. But one thing I’ve realized is that I can’t give my growing business and customers and team what they all need being employed by someone else full time. So I’m walking to my business. And in turn walking away from something else. Just the cause and effect. Am I sad? Yes. I am sad. But am I excited? Yes. I am so excited. I am ready for this. For Ben, he is walking into his future. This time, instead of lugging a backpack carrying pencils, paper, crayons, and hand sanitizer, he is arriving with a heart full of hopes and dreams and aspirations and that same look of determination I saw in him at 10 months old and so many times throughout his life. I’m so proud of him. So proud of the young man he is becoming. He loves Jesus and wants to find His will and follow it to the best of his ability. And he will. I’d bet on him.

I’m stepping into something new and exciting also. I am picturing myself disappearing over the threshold of one space into another with my hopes and dreams and aspirations all packed up neatly for the journey. I know I have no choice but to make this work! And that’s scary. But when I get to the end of my life I don’t want to look back and remember this fork in the road of opportunity only to see that I settled for the comfortable and easy and convenient. I want to KNOW that I took the road toward helping others in a way I can’t right now. I want to work hard for myself. I know that if I give as much effort and time and work even half as hard for myself as I have worked for the office I’m in right now I will be just fine. More than fine. Better than “ok”. I’d bet on me, too. 

#loveyourjourney #youreworthit #bettermewithNewYouCBD #Endo30 #itsuptoyou