Hook, Line and Sinker

Is stick-to-it-ive-ness a word? If not, it should be. Sure, perseverance, tenacity, stamina, determination, long-suffering and a host of other words I can’t remember right now could be used instead. But nothing says what I am trying to convey quite like stick-to-it-ive-ness expresses. I am not a particularly patient person in some things. For instance, I have tons of patience with people. I really do. But when it comes to “things” or myself I have none. Wade and Tank (Franklin, my youngest son) are fishing as I write this. Last night, Wade had purchased some fishing line to reline their bait casting reels. The existing line on Tank’s needed replaced, as did Wade’s, so he brought out all the stuff he was going to need to take the old line off the reels and replace it with the new line. Tank’s line looked like a “rats nest” according to Wade. To me, it looked like something I wouldn’t even attempt to remedy. Patience, remember? Wade (who has more patience than most) sat down and started working. It took him a good little while to take the old line off. He said that Tank must have his mom’s patience because it looked as if he had gotten it tangled, loosened and then just reeled the knot back up. I laughed. When I go fishing, if I happen to get tangled in something, I will cut the stupid line and start over. Simple. Now, if Wade’s around, I will hand him the pole and he will untangle the mess I’ve created. Otherwise, it’s the quick, easy way for me. But, one thing is for certain, my way costs more. I have to re-rig my hook, sinker and bait. Wade’s way costs nothing but the time it takes to get back to function, so to speak. 

When Ben, our oldest son, left for college, a couple things happened. First, I wanted a way to connect with Ben beyond texting. So we started a “streak” on SnapChat. You’ll have to look it up if you’re not familiar with that. I’ve never been much into SnapChat, the social media app. I told him that I would send a pic every day on SnapChat until he graduates college. So far, so good. Anyway, I didn’t know what I was doing, my account is now actually under a different user name than I had before, and I had thought maybe I would scrap the whole idea. But I really wanted to do this with him. It meant something to me. So I stuck to it until I got it all figured out and am glad I did. Second, I started eating more to comfort myself in his absence. I knew this would happen. I am an emotional eater and I knew I would fall into that a little to get myself through the first part of him being gone. I hadn’t weighed in since he left for college. On purpose. I didn’t really want to know what I was weighing because I knew I had likely gained some weight. I weighed the other day. And I was right. I have gained some weight. Nothing shocking or that can’t be reversed with getting back to the basics. But the fact that I gained brought back the idea of stick-to-it-ive-ness in my journey. Where did that go?

I allowed myself some variances because it is how I have always handled stress, sadness, depression, loneliness, and difficult times; I just eat my way through it. That coupled with the fact that I have really grown quite comfortable where I am has made it hard to want to continue sacrificing toward my ultimate goal. Guys, I am tired. LIKE REALLY TIRED. And if I can’t be honest about that here, where I said I would be completely honest, then I don’t know what I am doing here. Most people lose 30-40 pounds and they are where they want to be. I’ve lost 4-5 times that amount of weight and am still only 75% of the way to my goal. It’s daunting. And it’s hard. Really difficult, if I am being honest. And unless you’ve been exactly where I am you really can’t understand the emotions and thoughts I am having. 

I am better than my current attitude. I am better than what I am doing and the way I am doing it. I am worth pushing through this funk I find myself in currently. We have always told our kids that anything worth having is worth working hard and waiting for. But that requires patience. The “hard work” part doesn’t scare me. I have already worked extremely hard to get to where I am. It’s the patience required for the stick-to-it-ive-ness that I need more of right now. But I have come to a conclusion. Sometimes, when patience is lacking, grace can carry us through. If I can’t have the patience I need to have with myself, I can at least extend myself a little grace to know that I am human after all and will have moments where I am not my best self. I may find myself lacking. But that’s ok. It’s expected. Human, remember? If I can extend grace to others, then I should be able to do the same with myself, especially keeping in mind that God Himself extends His grace to me. And He has enough patience for the both of us. Praise Him for that!

What do I do now that I know what I need to do? I take step one. Again. I may not be starting all over in regards to where I was almost two years ago. But in my mind, I am hitting a reset button of sorts. I will refocus. I will call on my prayer partners and warriors to pray me through this. I will renew my commitment to myself, my family and use my accountability partners to get me where I need to be. Focused and responsible for my own choices and actions. And I will learn and do better. That’s the whole point in all of life anyway, isn’t it. To learn and grow. And in turn, become a better version of myself through it all. If I can’t at least do that, I have indeed failed. Step one includes forgiving myself and allowing myself some understanding and patience. Patience, remember? I am committing to you, as my reader, that I will update you in my blog each week. Good, bad, ugly or indifferent. I will share my journey more with you. That’s why I started this blog in the first place. I wanted people to know what I have gained back in myself as I lost weight and I wanted to help them understand that the struggle is real. For me, for them, and everyone who dares to change their lives in ANY way. So back to that original purpose. I guess this actually brings out something else that I have gained back. A reason to keep pushing forward. My why. I do have one. And it’s pretty great. 

I have been holding weight loss challenges for groups of individuals who are wanting to lose weight and get healthier using the system I have been using. I will start the fourth challenge in another week. I am going to focus my energy and actually work really hard to get back down to where I was a month ago. I will do this challenge alongside them and hold myself accountable to that task. That won’t take too much, but I will be resetting my mind and shifting my position to get in a better place to reach that ultimate goal I have for myself. Like Tank’s line, I have some knots and complications to work through. But it isn’t going to serve me in the long run if I don’t take care of the root of the problem as opposed to just reeling all the crap back up onto the reel. And I can’t just cut bait and walk away. It’s too costly to even consider. 

Long ago, I fell into believing that I didn’t deserve to be truly happy and healthy. I fell for that . . . hook, line and sinker . . . for a LONG time. And I was wrong. I honestly believe that nothing will matter to you until you “buy” into it. I mean you have to believe in whatever “that” is with everything in your tackle box. If you don’t “own” the decision, circumstance or journey you are on, it won’t actually matter enough to you to make you want to continue in that conviction. Today, I commit to you that I am taking off the old line from my reel. I will employ all the patience this is going to require and I will replace it with a fresh, new line. I will rig it up with my hook, sinker and bait and cast it back out into the water. I will not be shaken and I will not be moved. I can stick-to-it for as long as it takes. Even if I have to empty that tackle box to get it done. I am worth it. Really, I am. 

#loveyourjourney #youreworthit #bettermewithNewYouCBD #Endo30 #itsuptoyou