Like Waves on the Sand

This week has been a good week, “health-journey” wise. I have walked 5 out of the 7 days and am going to walk yet today. It is lovely outside, wind aside. The gusts are strong and cool and I want to wait until it’s a bit warmer so as not to trigger my trigeminal nerve. I am proud of the activity I have gotten in this week, though. My blisters are much better and shin splints, too. I am feeling better and better each day with the activity and it’s becoming a habit again. Franklin has been in quarantine as he was exposed to someone who was Covid positive. We are keeping an eye on him but making sure he is also getting out and walking (he likes to run as much as I do) and using the stationary bike. All in all, we are well, for now. So far, so good. I will weigh tomorrow morning and am hoping for good things. 

This week, my mom, Betty, and I were excited to attend a talk at our town’s library and to hear some stories about our local history and pioneers. My former college English and speech teacher, Carolyn Thornsby, was the presenter. She was very informative and filled the time with wonderful stories and details about the people who were the early settlers in this area; some whose names I had only heard before and some whose names I was more familiar with. My mom who owned her own beauty shop here in town had some of these people as clients throughout the years. Mom and I both enjoy history and ancestry and we really enjoyed hearing about the courage, bravery and steadfastness of some of these early people. I might mention, Carolyn is also helping with this blog as I send it to her each week to edit for corrections and grammar. Some weeks, there are few errors and some weeks there are more. I have even had one week where there weren’t any. Yes, I was just as shocked as you are! She sends corrections but lets me keep my voice throughout my blogs. I appreciate her help so much! Anyway . . . I had been thinking about what to write this week before attending the talk at the library. I have had a particularly difficult week, personally. Not the world in general or this election stress or any other outside sources or anything like that. In fact, I’ve been avoiding that altogether. Instead, I have been focused on walking and trying not to come down on myself too hard for letting myself slip out of that DAILY habit. Sure, I still walked or rode the stationary bike. But not DAILY. And I am also trying not to come down too hard on myself for some other things going on in my heart and head. That is actually more difficult than being upset about the physical activity. But this week was made more difficult for me because I can’t seem to pull myself out of dwelling on things that have happened in my life. Some I am responsible for and others, not so much. I am examining character flaws and sins and all kinds of things in my life. And Carolyn said something in her presentation that resonated with what I had been thinking throughout the week. The past. Our history. I have been trying to figure out where I am headed and why I am headed there. And the thought that came to mind and then I heard at the library was that we need to know and have an understanding of our history. If we don’t, we are only destined to repeat it. And in my experience, I’ve found that if I haven’t dealt with the things that led me to make certain decisions and caused certain mistakes in the first place, I can surely expect the same result the second time around. And I want to be better. 

Have you ever tried so hard to do the right thing or be the right thing or say the right thing only to end up disappointing yourself and those around you? Well, I have. And I do it more often than not. I don’t know that it is anything more than our human condition at it’s finest. But I know I have a hard time with how others see me and their perception of who I am. I don’t mean that in a way that says I want them to think I am perfect or have it all together. I am pretty open about NOT having all my ducks in a row and not having it all figured out. What I do mean is that I don’t want people to see me struggle. I really don’t know anyone who does want others to see that in their lives. For me, personally, it points to my weakness and I don’t like that being exposed at all. I have decided this week that it’s all right for others to see me falter and fail. There are those who would love nothing more than to see that in the lives of others. As if watching someone else flounder and fail somehow validates their lives and makes them feel better about themselves. I am going to let you in on something. Everyone fails. And if you come across someone who has never failed at anything, you can rest assured that it is because they have never taken a risk or done any hard thing in their lives. And that’s certainly not who I want to be around. No one is going to get everything right 100% of the time. And if it appears that they do, you should know that they are standing on a fragile house of cards built on sand. It will fall eventually. Things are always less certain than we would like them to be. But, in all the uncertainty of life, here are a few things I DO know.

One: I am greatly loved. My Savior loves me. My family and my friends love me. And in that love I am free to struggle and I am free to take all the time in the world to find my way. I have the support of people much wiser than I. I have the support of people who can see objectively into my life and help me clear up the fog of uncertainty and self-doubt and self-accusation. They are willing to overlook all the little (or big) imperfections and love me anyway. And they never stop trying to make me a better person. Never. I have many people praying for me and a Savior Who will love me anyway. No matter how big I mess up. No matter what I go through or dwell on or struggle to lay down. We all need that unconditional love coupled with His guidance and care. And because of these things, I can love myself. I can love who I am because I have been made by Him to be just that and I can love the promise of who I will be. I can love me and I can be more patient with all my shortcomings.

Two: I am better off than I could be. I work from home and I contact a LOT of people I have never met before. I call on leads for my business. People looking to also work from home. People who are struggling. Every. Single. Day. I was walking this week and happened to see two different vehicles being repossessed on two different days at two different homes. It actually made my heart hurt . . . yes, physically. We are all so caught up in our day to day that we don’t spend a lot of time thinking about those around us who may be hurting. And believe me, there are many people hurting. I hear on the phone every day from people who are struggling with personal issues, financial issues, political issues, death, destruction, sickness, spirituality, and pain. Daily. And some days, it’s overwhelming for this girl. I am empathic by nature. God made me this way and I absorb SO much of the world around me. Negativity? Well, just put it right on my heart. Happiness? Yep, I’ll take that too. It is very hard to function sometimes with the weight of all the different energy I can take. I have had to learn ways to deal with things that aren’t even mine to begin with! Then tack on all the other things that ARE mine. But I can say that I am still in a better place in a LOT of ways than many of the people I see and talk to each day. That makes me both grateful for my life and my Savior and also saddened because others are hurting. 

Three: I KNOW where I am going. Because I know where I have been. I have struggled with my weight and health for over half my life. I have suffered with depression and have been so beaten down before that I didn’t even want to get out of bed in the mornings and sometimes I couldn’t. I have struggled with anxiety and panic attacks. But I am all right. I have come through a lot in my life. Just as many of you reading this have overcome a lot in your lives. And I am certain that I am a better person for all of it. And I am certain God will use it for my good and His glory. That doesn’t mean it’s been easy or that it hasn’t just been nearly impossible at times to keep trudging on through some of the crap in life. But I am determined to remember where I am headed and give myself a little leniency on the mistakes of my past and the imperfections I still possess. 

I want to share a final thought with you. Charles H. Spurgeon once said, “We are just too prone to engrave our trials in marble and write our blessings in sand.” I think it’s time we reversed that, don’t you think? At the end of this month, we celebrate Thanksgiving. In honor of that, I would encourage you to write out your blessings every day. All of them. Write down the blessings and the things we have that we KNOW were given to us by God. *Hint – it’s everything we have* Remember to carve the good things in stone and write your trials in the sand. Let the waves of His blessings, grace, and mercy, as well as the love of our family and friends wash over them and take them away for good. Forgive those who need it, including ourselves. Love everyone around us. And do good. Always do good. Let go of the bad; the negative; the trials. Let the waves wash over them and start with fresh sand. You are worth it. 

#loveyourjourney #youreworthit #bettermewithNewYouCBD #Endo30 #itsuptoyou

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