This Is My Commandment . . . Love One Another

This week was rough. I haven’t felt particularly well since Thursday. I haven’t ruled anything out, but honestly have felt it was more of a fibromyalgia/RA flare. I haven’t felt like that in a very long time. I walked Monday – Wednesday. I didn’t walk on Thursday, Friday or Saturday. But I have lost a few pounds in the last couple weeks and that makes me happy. I am staying home from church today to rest and play it safe just in case what I am feeling is more than my own body attacking me. I will walk later so as not to allow shin splints to return because I waited too long. Ugh!

When I walk outside, as I have been doing the last couple weeks, I notice a lot of things. Juul cartridges for vape pens (I had to take a picture and show it to someone to find out what it was) change, a puzzle piece one day, trash, used and discarded surgical masks here lately, shoes that were launched and now hanging over phone/power lines, a plaster mold of Jesus’ head/face that I have nicknamed “Zombie Jesus” (believe me it’s creepy), change and bouncy balls in the gutters. There are sticks and twigs and rocks and dirt. Sometimes, there is a shirt or one lone, divorced sock in the street. A week ago, I noticed something new. A few pokemon cards strewn around. Not all clustered together; more like the wind had relocated a few of them. I noticed more the next day. Then I saw a Pokemon card box near the initial location (or where I think they may have originated from)  that you’d use to keep the collection of cards in. The next day I noticed even more cards that were farther away from the initial site. Tuesday this week, I was walking a block north and east of the initial site and I saw another few cards scattered around. I was surprised that the cards had made that long of a trek. I started thinking about those cards. One, I was sure whoever they belonged to probably missed them. I know how I would have felt about losing something I had spent time collecting. I also thought about how I really hadn’t spent any time thinking about the cards after I saw them the first couple days. I mean that I saw it and then forgot about it until the next day when I saw them again. Then, I did the same thing the next day. But by the third day, I actually started looking for more cards along the route. It was a distraction from the usual and mundane. And, yes, I am EASILY amused. But, as usual, I thought deeper about those cards. I wonder if we realize how much of our life is sometimes sprinkled around for others to discover, think about and even look forward to understanding.

As we are all aware, Thanksgiving will be observed this week. It’s one of my favorite Holidays. I love Christmas most but Thanksgiving is definitely a close second. It brings a reminder for most of us to be especially grateful for what we have while remembering what our ancestors had to fight through so we would have the opportunity to be born into this wonderful country. As I reflected about those cards, I wondered what parts of my life I am willing to lose or give up, and what parts I am hanging on to, and even further, what parts I am willing to scatter around to others, both known and unknown, in my life. 

I had lost so much of myself as I gained all the weight I did. That’s what this blog is about in the first place. I said in the very first blog that I had lost things I forgot about. I lost things I didn’t know I lost. I lost things I didn’t feel I should have had in the first place because I didn’t deserve the things that were good and pure anyway, right? I lost things I didn’t have the energy or desire to recover. And all of that has shaped who I am. I am willing to let go of a LOT of things. But I want the things I let go of to be things that no longer serve me and my greater good. I want them to be things that don’t add to the person I am. I spend time daily in the Bible and in prayer. I want to build my faith and relationship with Jesus to become who HE wants me to be. But, I no longer want to be willing to let go of the good parts of myself because they aren’t convenient or because I don’t feel I am worthy to have them in the first place. In fact, I want to fight to keep those good parts and defend them against anything that would threaten to take them away. I want to let go of my limiting beliefs about myself. I want to let go of the self-accusation and self-doubt I have. I have a handful of bad habits I REALLY want to let go. Prayers are appreciated in that category. I don’t think I can fully become who God is calling me to be if I don’t continue working on those things. We all have things we struggle with. Things that we feel keep us from being the kind of spouse, sister, mother, friend or representative of Christ we really desire inwardly to be. I know this to be true of all of us. And I am here to tell you that it’s okay. We aren’t perfect. God knows that and doesn’t expect that. He does expect us to give Him our lives and then give Him our best day in and day out. That is all, my friends. 

I try (I know, there’s “no try, only do”) to be gracious to the people around me. I smile at EVERYone. And I do mean EVERYONE. My sister, Carly, teases me all the time about this. She has lived in larger cities for the majority of her life following her husband, who had served in the military for 21 years, all over the country. When we visited her and her family, we would go to the grocery store, a restaurant, a park when the boys were little, the beach, or wherever we wanted or needed to go. It never failed. I would smile and nod at every single stranger. She would laugh and say, “Lacy. They aren’t ever going to smile back.” I would just say in reply, “Oh, I know.” But you know, it made me feel better to impart a little kindness and joy to them through my smile. I try my best only to speak kindness about others to others. I absolutely hate gossip and will avoid it at all costs. That doesn’t mean that I have not stooped lower than I should from time to time and listened to it. We all have. But it isn’t my “go-to” in conversation. I try to remember people who are going through rough times with a card or a letter. I try to text those who I care about and care about me. I try to forgive people. Wade often tells me that I do TOO much of that. I don’t hold grudges. There are people who have hurt me terribly. And if you don’t know me well enough to KNOW these things you’d have no idea. I don’t get angry often; really, it’s hardly ever. And I will get angry for other people before I ever get angry for me. I give second and third and tenth and twelfth chances again and again. Someday, maybe I’ll learn. Maybe not. Wade’s more of a one and done kind of guy (although not always) so he really struggles with this tendency of mine.

I want to scatter parts of myself out to the people I encounter in my world. The good parts, anyway. I know that in doing so there will inevitably be “less desirable” parts and pieces that are also spread about. I want to live my life in such a manner that people see the love and grace I have in my life . . . the things I believe come directly from God Himself. My own love is frail and selfish. But I want His agape love to show through me to others. I will always smile at people because I want to make people smile and feel good about themselves. I want to be kind first and always. I don’t want to question the intentions of people around me. I have a naive belief that most people are good and that they mean no harm . . . a live and let live mentality, if you will. And I want to believe that they really don’t want to hurt other people. It doesn’t always end well for me sometimes, but I still want to always start out believing that. Unlike the Pokemon cards I have been looking for on my walk, I know that the things I scatter about will be seen and picked up by other people. I don’t believe that giving away parts and pieces of myself will ever cause a depletion in my collection of the goodness and grace and love that God has given me. In fact, I think that by releasing it to others, I free up room for more of it to flow into my life. I won’t be sad that they are gone. I won’t miss them. I believe that at the right time the right person will be taking the route they are supposed to be taking in life and we are supposed to touch them with ourselves and God’s love. They may not remember it the first time it happens. They may not even remember it the second time it happens. But I guarantee you, just as I started looking for the cards along my way, they will also begin to look forward to the love and kindness we give to them, just because. And maybe they will be inspired to share little bits of themselves with others because we have had the courage and kindness to show them what that looks like. Love yourselves, but most importantly love God and love other people. It’s our greatest calling. 

#loveyourjourney #youreworthit #bettermewithNewYouCBD #Endo30 #itsuptoyou