“Mom”touring

This week’s blog is one I am actually struggling to even get onto my computer screen. (We used to be able to say, “Put it on paper . . .” but actually physically writing something with a pen or pencil isn’t something that happens too often anymore) I have thought about this topic for a few weeks now. And honestly, I had second and third and fourth (and even thirteenth thoughts) about this but I am going to do it anyway. You never know who needs to hear it. Self-image. That’s one scary compound word, am I right? And we all have one; self-image, I mean. We all have a picture in our minds of what we are, who we are, or what we look like. A few weeks ago, I was watching a video posted by a friend on Facebook. The video was a funny clip about goat yoga (yes, it’s a thing). Facebook does this thing where it compiles other videos below the one you’re looking at and it will automatically scroll down and start the next video if you don’t interrupt it. I am sure there’s a technical term for that. Doesn’t really matter, I suppose. Anyway, I had put my phone down to get more coffee (one can never have enough coffee) and the goat video ended and the next video started. It was a makeup artist who has a page set up where he critiques other people’s videos of them applying makeup using so-called “hacks” and he lets his viewers know if it is a practical hack or not. I actually learned a bit from him. And because I watched one of the videos, Facebook’s algorithm has placed other videos he has done in my feed. Like I said, I am actually learning a few things. But one of the things I noticed in all these videos was just how beautiful these people were BEFORE applying coats of makeup to their faces. And I started wondering how all of this started anyhow . . . 

Now, there are some things you should know about me before I share some transparent, maybe even embarrassing, facts about myself. I was raised by a beautician. My mom, Betty, was a cosmetologist. She knew all I ever needed to know about hair, makeup, skin and nails. Does that mean I asked her about them much? Are you kidding me? Heck, no. I was a teenager and she was my mom. That meant I automatically knew more than she did. Haha. And to ask her a question was, in my mind, an admission that she may know more than I about that given subject. But, that doesn’t mean I didn’t learn things while listening to her talking to others about hair and makeup that came in handy. But I have never cared much about my face, my hair, or my nails. I will say that at this moment in time I do get my nails done by a professional. I have “man hands” and it just helps to make them a little more soft and feminine looking. But outside of that, I spend VERY LITTLE on myself where makeup and cosmetics are concerned. The most expensive product I use is a moisturizer by Mary Kay (which I like, by the way), and my YouthBomb serum made by the NEWYOU CBD company whose products I use and market. The rest? Oh, well it’s either from WalMart or Dollar General. I own an “All Face” brush and that is the only brush I use and I only use it for my blush. I use the applicator that came with the little compact container of eye shadow (four shades of tan and brown) to apply my shadow and I am certain I don’t know what I am doing in that department. I use my fingers to apply my foundation, if I use any. And my powder is from a compact, again applied with the applicator that comes with it. Concealer? What’s concealer? I will use eyeliner and mascara on occasion . . . usually if I know I am going to be out in public. (Again, all of this is something my Momma could have helped me with if I had been even A LITTLE interested in it growing up.) And I hear words like “contouring” and “bronzer” and I haven’t got a clue about any of that. I could say, “Somebody help me!?!?” But I don’t care enough to learn. And I mean that with every ounce of my being . . . and that’s a lot of ounces. My hair and makeup routine needs to take as little time for me as possible. From shower to hair and makeup done for me usually takes 25 minutes. If I don’t do anything but use my serum and moisturizer I can go from stepping into the shower to getting my hair styled in about 15 minutes. And I am more than okay with that!

What struck me years ago when I first heard about contouring was how much our self-image is shaped by the airbrushed, digitally altered, perfectly dressed, staged and posed images we are bombarded with day after day. Not too long ago I was having a conversation with my boys about girls. Yes, we still talk about things from time to time. Ben made the comment about girls going to so much trouble to make themselves look completely different with makeup. He said he wishes girls could understand that guys like him (and yes, I am biased but he IS a GREAT GUY) knew how little they cared about what girls put on their face and how much they cared about the conversations girls could hold. He and Franklin were talking once about a girl who had a really pretty face but they both said, almost at the same time, that she wore way too much makeup. They said, “If she just knew how much she didn’t need that . . .” Now, please understand, I am NOT knocking wearing makeup or doing things to make yourself feel pretty. There is enough backlash in our world from people saying that girls shouldn’t dress this way or wear their makeup that way . . . that is NOT what I am talking about. God knows I catch enough hell for things, I don’t need to add to it! There’s nothing wrong with makeup, or fake lashes, or hair extensions, or gel nails. I just feel it is something worth mentioning. Are we doing it for ourselves or doing it for everyone else? Does it make us feel better? Is it to impress people or to make others like us more? Does it make us more acceptable in our own mind? I wonder why girls feel the need to “con”tour their face to make it seem better than it was to start. (Yes, I said it like that because It is like contouring is just a huge “con” where we aren’t ever going to see the real deal) I feel like this world is overly “judgey” and none of us feel like we stack up to the expectations around us. Maybe it’s just me who feels that way. But I honestly don’t think so. I get tired of people feeling like they have to “one up” others or they don’t win. 

I feel like we are good at “con”touring our lives, too. (We could call it “mom”touring, maybe) We shape our social media presence around the best parts of our lives, never letting those who see our profiles in on the really sticky, messy truths of our lives. And, yes, it stems back to self-image. I think sometimes we honestly believe that if we put this perfect version of ourselves out there, then it is going to be just that; perfect. I am not going to start posting every disagreement I have with my husband or every time I feel I failed as a parent. That would take a lot of Facebook feed, let me tell you. But I am here to say that my self-image isn’t something that you can leave your fingerprints on. I am working every day to become a better version of myself than I was the day before. And part of that is trying, DESPERATELY trying, to leave other people’s opinions of my life, my body, my style, my family, my SELF, where they belong . . . out. Out of my mind; out of my decisions; out of my life altogether.  

We just get caught up so much in our looks and the way we THINK we should look and then we see all the “beauty” on the pages of magazines and in T.V. commercials, and we think that we don’t stack up and need to do something to make ourselves better. News flash . . . there will always be someone prettier than you, thinner than you, more “put together” than you. But, I am here to tell you, the only person you have to please with ANYTHING in your life is YOU. I have known a few people who were just naturally beautiful people . . . you know, those with perfectly symmetrical faces and gorgeous hair and skin and eyes and teeth . . . those who needed NOTHING to make them look like this was the result of God perfecting the act of creating humans. They didn’t have to worry about makeup or anything, ever. But, those people never intimidated me. Instead, I allow myself to be intimidated by those who had spent literal hours applying all the makeup they thought they needed to cover an already beautiful face. Like my “don’t care” makeup routine was “less than” and not good enough when all I really wanted to do was cover the bags under my eyes so no one knew how little sleep I had gotten while taking care of my sick child the night before. My therapist nearly 20 years ago told me to find a picture of myself as a little girl and look at her every morning and tell her what I thought she needed to hear. Then, everyday I needed to try to remember that I WAS that little girl. We need to do ourselves a favor. We need to look at ourselves like those who really love us do. What would they say? What would my family and friends say about Lacy? Well, she’s a hot mess, most likely. But you know what? I am a hot mess who has a big heart. I care about people. I would never intentionally hurt anyone. I try my hardest at things I endeavor to do. I am a good person. I am loved. And I am worth whatever good life can offer me. WE. ALL. ARE. 

#loveyourjourney #youreworthit #bettermewithNewYouCBD #Endo30 #itsuptoyou