Put A Little Love In Your Heart

The past couple weeks have been a blur. A blur of information, of priorities, and of preparation. I started my new position with Tawkify two weeks ago tomorrow and I have been completely wrapped up in learning and zoom meetings and zoom training, both tech training and the soft skills like scripting I will be utilizing. To begin with, two weeks of solid training seemed like a little much. It has been in every job that you learn through the process of just doing and, of course, there is the 4-6 month learning curve that will follow you for the first little while. But to have just specific, intentional training for that long seemed a bit much! But honestly, I see why it was that way and we all agreed after we “graduated training” we could use more! Haha! I do apologize for not having a blog last week. I was learning the scripting we are using and really needed to stick with that to make sure I had it all down. The older I get, the fewer tasks I can make my brain do at one time. I can multitask with the best of them, but when it comes to learning multiple new things and trying to think through a blog post, I decided I should stick to one thing so neither of them would suffer. Anyway, I am back, and ready to blog this week! I will say that I am loving everything I am learning and I have no doubt that I am going to love this job! I kinda already do and I haven’t even been unleashed on my own yet. That happens Tuesday. My first live calls BY MYSELF will happen on Tuesday. Again, any positivity and prayer you want to include me in will be very appreciated. You can, it seems, teach a middle-aged dog new tricks. (That “middle-aged” thing hurt me to type out . . . just a little). And again, we are taking Ben back to college for the next semester/year to start. I don’t know what happened to the summer break, but it’s nearly gone and we are starting the next chapter of life . . . all of us. Franklin will start actual football practice tomorrow also. He did workouts with the team through the summer, but this week it all gets real. For each of us!

I was perusing the internet this week and came across a headline about the death of a 30-year-old woman who had appeared on the television show, “My 600-lb Life.” The show follows people who all weigh over 600 pounds as they undergo gastric bypass surgery. My mind was stuck on the headline . . . A thirty-year-old woman. She was thirty. I clicked into the article to see what the cause of death was. In the back of my mind I am always a little bit concerned about what my weight has done/is doing to my organs, health and life-span. So, of course, when I read something like this I think I might be a little more curious about the circumstances than others are. Was it a strain on her heart . . . or her other organs that led to her very early death? Was it a heart attack or a stroke? Was it from the surgery she had to lose weight? Was it a mental health issue? All these questions come to mind when I hear of a large person dying younger than maybe they would if they were a little less large. Believe me, it’s top of mind for me in MY life. The short article I read didn’t disclose what the cause of death was. But I did something that I try really hard to avoid doing most days. I read the comments. Now, if you ever do this, you’ll understand what I mean when I say that I was completely aghast at what some of these people were saying. This was a public page where her family, friends and others who knew and loved this girl could have gone to read. And I felt strongly enough about it that I wanted to talk about it today.

One of the comments said, “Cause of death unknown; food being held for questioning . . .” Another said, “It doesn’t take a doctor to figure out what killed her . . .” There were some that were even worse than these, but you get the picture. I would love to say that I was surprised by the comments and the people who reacted with laughing emojis and all the “hahahaha’s” splattered across the comment section. People can be so heartless and cruel. I really can’t tell you how much it upsets me that they would do this on a page where her loved ones run the risk of seeing it. This world has become so divided over so many issues. I am not about to go into all of them. But, honestly, you can see division in every area of life right now. And if I am going to be honest about it, it’s never been about race, income, equality, education, or other demographics. It is a true heart issue. We have a hate issue. We have a disrespect issue. And the internet and social media platforms have only served to feed some of those issues. I don’t often read comment threads on posts that I see could be controversial. First, it’s a rabbit hole I don’t want to lose time to and, second, I don’t like how people treat one another. I don’t know if people have always been this cruel and hateful toward one another or if it’s just now getting to the point of unbearable. Have they always been like this but it is more out in the open now with social media and the internet so accessible to everyone? It seems like the world has more to say about everything anymore. I am such a “live and let live” kind of person. I am not unkind. I have always told my kids that it takes much more active effort to be cruel to someone than it does to be kind. Honestly. A smile is pretty dang easy to muster. It goes back to the old adage, “If you can’t say something nice, then don’t say nuthin’ at all . . .”, right? 

I have thought about how personally, in the past, people have treated me differently for being a fat girl. Or, in some instances, have just been outright mean. I have never been a small person. I was fit; but never small. When I was growing up, there were kids who gave me a hard time for my size. I remember just wondering why they couldn’t like me because I was a good person, and a kind person, and just a person for crying out loud. I was human and I was breathing and that meant I was worth something. I carry those things even today. I just had a conversation with someone yesterday about being intimidated by women who are thin and pretty and what people would consider “hot” even. These women who have an above-normal confidence level . . . like too much confidence . . . in their appearance. We have all known them. They think very, very highly of themselves and most of what they think is wrapped up in their looks. I told the person I was chatting with that I know that being around these people, with their large personalities, egos, and propped-up, self-importance causes me stress. I can’t be around people who seem to have it all together and come in neat little packages in these perfect bodies and pretty faces without experiencing an overwhelming self-esteem issue. It is ON ME . . . NOT on them. These are my issues. But, I am old enough and have lived enough life to recognize when I am going to be experiencing stress because of the insecurities I have about my body and my life. And because I can recognize those things, I will make the choice to avoid those things. This person I was talking to reminded me that I have worth “far above rubies . . .” according to what God says. And I was grateful for that reminder. But, I find it a little harder in the physical world when people compare me to what makes a difference to them. And that’s what hit home about this woman. 

It seems like everyone has SOMEthing to say about EVERYthing anymore. People want to give their opinion and say something in each circumstance they come across. I find it really difficult to take that sometimes when I will ALWAYS struggle with my weight. Even as I have lost weight, gained some, lost some, gained some, lost again . . . I experience those successes and failures as every other person on the planet does. And I worry, probably far too much, about how the world will judge me on the physical things. I spend so much time trying to improve the kind of person I am. I think that what’s at the heart of a man, or a woman, is the most important thing. I just wish we could get to a place in this world where we see past physical characteristics, limitations, and differences. I want to see us look past fat and thin, and class, and gender, and vaccine status, and political affiliations, and all of the crap in this world that doesn’t matter one jot or tittle. If we can’t find common ground as humans, as souls searching for the same things – love, peace, happiness, acceptance and the like – we are doomed to continue the patterns of cruelty and hate and intolerance of those around us who are different in ways that DO NOT MATTER at all. The commonalities we share far outweigh the differences between us. I really want to encourage you all today to accept yourself for who you are, first and foremost. If there are things you don’t like or want to improve on, then take steps to make those things better. And for the love of Pete (whoever he is) be kind. It’s the easiest thing to do. Truly. And we are all deserving of kindness and love. We are ALL worth it.

#loveyourjourney #youreworthit #bettermewithNewYouCBD #Endo30 #itsuptoyou